you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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