genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
