And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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