the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
