pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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