I just saw a hot homeless man
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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