Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
