I just pynch a tree in the face
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
