I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize