how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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