It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They took my balls.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
