I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize