Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
