The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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