he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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