Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
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Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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