If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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