I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
