I wish you could order shots online.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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