Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
