This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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