$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
