we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
