Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
