my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You ate ashes out of my bong
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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