theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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