discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
