Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
