I murdered the dance floor call the cops
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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