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I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
