I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
