they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
