I wanna bring you to show and tell
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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