thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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