You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
