bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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