Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
