FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
