i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize