You made me cry and you don't even care
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
