it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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