god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
