Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize