Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
