i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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