Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
