stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
