You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
