im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Randomize
