Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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