Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
