i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
