TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
