the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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