would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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