I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
