But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
