wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
