I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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