A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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