I smell stomach acid.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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