Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
