wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
