So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
