she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
