Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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