Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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