fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
